8 August 2009

Just ticking and that's all...

I am a clock without hands
No-one understands this,
That when the Autumn comes
I see no reason for a Fall.
Spring can fail to move me
With its tulips and its clover,
Now the time for love is over
I'm a clock without hands.
I'm just ticking and that's all.

"Clock without hands" by Nanci Griffith

For many years I've thought of the Autumn as the beginning of the end, only Winter to look forward to, and to endure before Spring comes again. Classic "glass half empty" stuff. When Spring comes, I often miss the beginning, only realising it's here if there is a prolonged period of good weather. Then Summer, and I realise I've not made the most of the wild flowers and the new leaves and the uncurling ferns. We're not good at planning our Summers - this year we're installing a new kitchen, which will be nice but stressful. By the time we're done it will be back to school/work and the Summer will be over.

Already it feels Autumnal. Evenings are shorter. Nights are chilly, and there is condesation on the bedroom window in the morning. And heavy dew on the grass.

My life is also entering the Autumn phase. Well and truly middle aged, I wonder what there is to look forward to, and feel I haven't really made the most of what has gone before. I should be grateful that I'm strong and healthy and not in need, and that I have a nice home and a good family. I am grateful, but it doesn't give me energy, or enthusiasm. I'm just ticking, and that's all.

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